i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dicks are not precious.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
