Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
