SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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