i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
