So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
