There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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