Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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