Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize