Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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