At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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