New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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