summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
