My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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