Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
