if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize