All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im holly from the hills drunk
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
