I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You took a bar mat shot.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
