i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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