He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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