bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
