Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
