1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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