I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The power of my boobs compel you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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