at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
