Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
