she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
