you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
