I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
