i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize