I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize