TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
