She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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