alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
