Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ttyl tear gas
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
