Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
