Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
