i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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