I think i peed on brittanys purse
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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