I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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