Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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