come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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