Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize