Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
