ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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