I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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