zippers are such a cool invention
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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