he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
