It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
