If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
