lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
