"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize