People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
