I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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