I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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