Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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