I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize