i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
