I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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