Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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