i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
