I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
