ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
