i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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