Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
