I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
