he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
