Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
