there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
