My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
