...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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