i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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