"it" just moved
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
