Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
