i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
