so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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