I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
