I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
