i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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