Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
